Why Men Struggle to Open Up (and how it's wrecking mental health)
Alright, fellas, let’s get real for a minute. When was the last time you told someone how you were really feeling? And I don’t mean the throwaway “Yeah, I’m fine” when you’re anything but. I mean actually sharing what’s going on in your head and heart.
If your answer is “can’t remember” or “never,” you’re not alone. Most men struggle to open up, not because they don’t feel deeply, but because somewhere along the line, they were taught that emotions are dangerous territory.
How It Starts
For a lot of blokes, this goes way back. Childhood. You might remember hearing things like:
“Boys don’t cry.”
“Man up.”
“Don’t be a sook.”
“Harden up.”
"Stop being a girl."
Maybe you saw the men around you handle stress or sadness by going silent, getting angry, drinking, or burying themselves in work or sport. Rarely did you see them sit down and say, “I’m feeling sad, worried, or scared right now.”
As kids, we learn by example. If the example is “real men don’t show emotions,” that lesson sticks. It becomes an unspoken rule you carry into adulthood.
The Cost of Bottling It Up
Here’s the thing — emotions don’t disappear just because you’ve locked them away. They sit there. They build. And eventually, they leak out. Sometimes it’s obvious, like snapping at someone over nothing. Other times it’s more subtle — like constant irritability, shutting people out, or feeling flat and disconnected.
Bottled-up feelings can fuel:
Anxiety — a constant undercurrent of worry or tension you can’t shake.
Depression — feeling numb, hopeless, or like you’re just going through the motions.
Burnout — mentally and emotionally running on empty.
Physical health issues — headaches, gut problems, high blood pressure.
You might not even connect these symptoms to your emotions — but the mind and body are linked. When your nervous system is stuck in “hold it all in” mode, it’s also stuck in stress mode. And long-term stress is brutal on both mental and physical health.
The Relationship Fallout
When you don’t share what’s going on, the people around you are left guessing. Your partner might think you don’t trust them or you’re shutting them out. Your mates might assume you’re fine because you never say otherwise. Your kids might learn the same pattern you grew up with — silence over honesty.
Over time, that emotional distance can erode connection. It’s not that you don’t care — it’s that you’ve been conditioned to protect yourself by not showing vulnerability. But here’s the irony: the very thing you think is protecting you is actually pushing people away.
And here’s something you might not have thought about — when you’re honest with a mate about how you’re doing, you often give him permission to be honest too. Men don’t always get these openings to share what’s going on for them, and your honesty could be the thing that breaks the ice.
Why Men Keep It In
When I work with men, I hear the same reasons over and over:
“I don’t want to burden anyone.”
“They won’t understand.”
“I don’t want to look weak.”
“Talking about it won’t change anything.”
But here’s the truth: the weight you carry is heavier when you carry it alone. And in my experience, people almost always respect a man more when he’s honest about what’s going on. It doesn’t make you weak — it makes you human, relatable, and trustworthy.
Breaking the Cycle
If you’ve spent years bottling things up, opening up can feel awkward or even impossible at first. That’s normal. You don’t have to go from zero to spilling your deepest secrets overnight.
Start small:
Tell a mate you’ve been stressed lately.
Let your partner know you’re feeling flat.
Write down what’s on your mind and read it back to yourself.
The key is building the muscle. The more you practise, the more natural it feels. And as it becomes easier, you’ll notice the benefits — better mental clarity, less stress, stronger relationships, and a sense that you’re not doing life completely on your own.
The Mental Health Payoff
Men who learn to open up often report:
Sleeping better because their brain isn’t running on overdrive.
Feeling lighter and more in control.
Having deeper, more genuine connections.
Feeling more confident in themselves because they’re no longer hiding parts of who they are.
It’s like taking a heavy backpack off after carrying it for years. You don’t realise how much it was weighing you down until it’s gone.
Final Thoughts
Staying silent might feel safer in the short term, but over time it can quietly tear your mental health apart. You deserve to live without that constant internal pressure. You deserve support, connection, and a safe space to be real.
So next time someone asks, “How are you?” — resist the urge to just say “fine.” Give them something honest. You might be surprised at how much lighter you feel, how much closer it brings you to the people who matter, and how much it opens the door for them to be honest with you too.
Want some help getting started?
At ManUnwind, I provide a safe, non-judgemental space for men to unpack what’s been sitting on their shoulders for far too long.
Through Inner Work Coaching, we dive into what’s going on for you mentally and emotionally and we work on real, practical strategies to help you feel lighter, calmer and more in control of your life.
This isn’t about fixing you — because you’re not broken. It’s about helping you understand yourself better, manage what’s on your plate and give yourself permission to live without carrying all that weight alone.
If you’re ready to stop bottling it up and start feeling more like yourself again, let’s talk. Your first step could be as simple as booking a 60-minute Starting Point Coaching Session.
You don’t have to keep going the way you’ve been going. Things can change — and it starts with a conversation.